“Sometimes choice leaves you taking a leap of faith, not knowing the outcome.” – Amanda Hart
A few days ago I was fortunate enough to have a meeting with a group of inspirational women who I’ve been working with for several months. During that meeting it came up about ‘letting go of the outcome’ which was ironic as I was struggling with the fact it was our final meeting and I felt disheartened that I wasn’t finishing with the satisfaction and completion of my goals.
The message though couldn’t have come at a more apt time and a stark reminder of what I’ve taught others for years about non judgement of ourselves and others. This however is pretty tough to honour for many of us when life presents challenges that constantly test that ethos. Letting go of judgement allows us to let go of the outcome regardless of how we want things to pan out which takes courage and trust.
6 months ago I finally celebrated the official launch of my book, The Guys Upstairs after an exhausting year which at times had me thinking I would never make it. On several occasions I managed to ‘pull a rabbit out of a hat’ but the energy expended was taking its toll on me. I felt great relief to have finally got to the ‘finish line’ by the launch date and thought that meant it was time for me to take a back seat, let the book take care of itself and replenish my much needed energy reserves.
Far from it though. As a result of all the attention the book was getting we had to take stock of the growing interest from the reviews, social media following, media interest and offers. It was a very difficult decision to make but I had to trust my instincts and leave the security of my publishers (through amicable means), to honour the best interests of the book and the growing campaign as a result of it.
During that time, I was invited to write a chapter for 2 further books which have been published recently, ironically highlighting the very message I needed reminding of. The chapter for the first book, Reboot Your Life is all about how I managed to turn my life around after losing everything. Interestingly, the most difficult thing I had to come to terms with then was not losing my home, business, security, money, health or credibility but it was those that walked away from me that challenged me the most.
I had to dig deep not to judge loved ones who distanced themselves from me. It’s through times like that you realise you have to be resourceful and find inner strength. Through that stage of my life, I found solutions, was able to count my blessings and eventually thank them for disconnecting. I let go of judgement of myself for failing, judgement of those that detached from me and judgement towards the outcome. My solutions came through the birthing of The Guys Upstairs which became my salvation and what I hadn’t bargained on…the healing of others.
The second book I contributed towards, Believe and Succeed: The Law of Attraction Uncovered reaffirmed to myself that ‘what we focus on we attract.’ It reinforced the faith I had, to follow my heart and take brave steps towards taking The Guys Upstairs out to a much bigger audience and to trust there was a publisher who would deliver.
So, although I thought I’d got to the finish line at the book launch 6 months ago, I followed my guidance hoping it would only be a few more laps to go. The finish post had moved when I was asked by a US literary agent to write my new book How to Find Your Power & Voice so that The Guys Upstairs and the sequel could all come out in that order, reaching a much wider global audience. This was a huge leap of faith as it was about 3 books and massive opportunities globally.
With only a few more chapters to edit for the new book, I came to a grinding halt when interest from the agent came to a sudden end recently. I wanted to give up there and then as I’d put 6 months’ effort into something that had come to nothing. Fed up with having spent 2 years editing and publishing my memoirs which had seemingly come to nothing, 5 years of writing the manuscript (mostly in secret), 12 years of working towards my goal to leave a legacy and 46 of my 49 years learning about the human condition to enable me to help others, I wanted it to end there and then and go get myself a nice little job in Morrison’s.
After some deep breaths, a gentle reminder to let go of the outcome, the pain eventually subsided. Gratitude kicks in when there’s nothing left in your world and you feel like you’re back to square one. But when you relax you can see it for what it is.
Yoga is a wonderful way of reminding us that all we have to focus on is the present moment, not to be better than anyone else or better than we performed yesterday but to just accept how we’re feeling at that time and just be. As soon as the pressure lifts from our lives to be our best, to compete with others, to reach our goals when we feel we have to complete them, we release and allow the Universe to steer our path for us.
So I’m now allowing myself to float down the stream that will carry me to whatever destination best serves my highest good – well, I’m tired of running and it seems a much better option right now. Anyone who knows me and how driven I am to make this world a better place will tell you they’re probably quite relieved considering the huge challenges I’ve put myself through to get here.
I feel I’ve come to a place of complete and utter acceptance of the cosmic order of the Universe, despite teetering on a precipice at this moment in time. As my nature is to push the boundaries of the human condition, perhaps I’m testing the Universe now to see just how it’s going to ‘pull a rabbit out of a hat’ to salvage all I’ve created. Perhaps I’ve even got the signs right now of how that might happen after all.
As I’ve let go of the outcome…we’ll just have to wait and see!